Bringing It Back Old School

There is just one explanation for the last few games that I can see. Clearly the Twins have been enthralled, as have I, in VH1's "I Love The '90s." However, unlike I, the Twins have taken the show to heart and have obviously decided to bring themselves back to the '90s. Not the good part of the '90s, like, say, 1991. No, we're talking 1997 or so. Remember when? LaTroy Hawkins was not only a Twin still, but a starter at that! "Everyday" Eddie was just a relief pitcher, not the closer that gave us all heart attacks nightly. Rick "Christina" Aguilera was the closer way back when. Yeah, they had Torii Hunter back then, but only for one game. And he didn't even have an at-bat in that game.

In fact, the one apperance by Torii Hunter and Brad Radke (who, admittedly, did win 20 games that season, so he must not have cable TV) are the only Twins still with the modern day Twins. Which might explain youngsters like Lew Ford and Grant Balfour's fascination with the Twins of old. They don't know what sucking is like. All they know is being in a two-time division champion organization. But let me tell you, Aaron Fultz and Nick Punto, it's no fun. You only get one All-Star! I mean, sure, we only had one this year too, but at least Lew Ford got consideration! You get one, and that's it. Some people even argue that you shouldn't even have the one (though when it's Chuck Knoblauch, even I would argue that we shouldn't have had one). And if you think the attendance is bad now, think of how bad it is when even the die-hards won't show up?

Hopefully, you kids will shape up and learn the mistakes of your ways and turn back towards the ballclub of great promise you once were. Or else one of you will earn the nickname "Mike Trombley" (I'm looking at you, Balfour!).