Swami Sez

What can I say? My powers are beyond belief. Yesterday, at this very website, I predicted that Terry Mulholland would not pitch a complete game shutout, and now for the second game in a row, I have been completely right about the Twins pitchers. It's amazing beyond belief. I'm like the Ken Jennings of blogging!

Which is why I'm hanging up my hat. No more pitching predictions for me, no sir. I'm worried that if I continue my Swami ways, people will come to me wanting to know my prediction for other things. And it's not like I couldn't do that kind of thing; of course I could tell you who the father of your baby is or what Saturday's Powerball numbers are. It's just that I don't want to take money away from the fine folks who do the tests to see who the father is, and if everyone had the right Powerball numbers, the winnings wouldn't be very much, you know? Plus then I'd have to charge some kind of access fee to my website, because predictions like that don't come cheap. Even Miss Cleo's free readings only last, like, what? Three minutes? And doesn't she just tell you things you already knew? It's like watching a magician; you know they're not REALLY performing magic. I could give you David Blaine for free, but then again, he kinda sucks anyway and I'm pretty sure he smells like a hobo. I feel I'm making the right choice by leaving at the top of my game. You can't beat two for two. Unless you get three for three. But then you're cheating. Or Joe Mauer.

I do see a Twins win again tomorrow. That's not a prediction; that's a guarantee!